yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize