I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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