Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
