I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
