ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
