we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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