ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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