at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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