no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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