We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
