He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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