Just fell off a train. Bad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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