Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
