If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
