I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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