wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
