Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
