I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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