you would pick up someone in the library
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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