There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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