Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
