I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
