I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
