did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
