i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
