on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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