So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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