i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
