guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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