Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
