My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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