Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
