he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
