Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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