I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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