id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
