i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
