went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
