I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
