I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
