Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
