even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
