WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
