Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
