I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
