I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
