i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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