Me too!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
