I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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