one might say we're banned from that church
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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