my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
