I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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