what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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