I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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