So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
