my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
