dude i'm inner monologue high
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
