I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
