She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
