I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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