we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
