can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
