good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
