the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
