nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
