Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
