update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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