i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
