Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Panties = found
Randomize
