Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
