I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
