do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
