I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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