I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
