im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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