You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
