considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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