I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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