I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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