This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize