How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
