I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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