I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
