Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
