I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
