Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
